A lot of people wonder how to avoid those boring conversations on a first date. So what do you do? How do you avoid the dull, uncomfortable conversations that will put a damper on your evening?
Here are some tips to have a fun conversation and time together.
The art of a good conversation
A first date can decide whether or not two people will continue to see each other after that first meeting.
The art of a good conversation is essential on a first date because this is the only chance you have to make a great impression or turn off someone you might like.
Both people are interested in hearing what the other has to say. It’s not just about talking about yourself—it’s about being interested in the other person’s story and asking questions that will help you learn more about them.
Stay away from controversial topics on your first date.
There are a few reasons why this is true.
First, if you’re going out with someone new, you want them to like you as much as possible—avoiding topics where you know they will disagree with your views or opinions.
Second, even if you’re not trying to impress someone, there’s no guarantee that you’ll agree with their point of view 100% of the time—and that means that even if they don’t mind talking about it right now, they might not be so happy if this becomes a regular thing between the two of you later down the line!
Topics to avoid on a first date:
- Politics
- Religion
- Your ex
- Mental health problems
- Financial situation
Tips for avoiding boring conversations
1) Be an active listener.
Being an active listener is using nonverbal cues to show you are engaged. This includes leaning in towards the person you are speaking with, making eye contact, and using appropriate body language (e.g., nodding periodically). You should also ask questions to encourage them to continue talking. A good strategy is to wait until they pause between sentences so that you can send a nonverbal cue or two before asking your question.
If you’re on a date with someone who doesn’t seem very interested in what you have to say, try asking them about their favourite music or books instead of only talking about yourself!
2) Learn about your date’s interests and share your own.
Ask them about their favourite movies, books and music.
Ask questions like:
- What’s your favourite book?
- You can also ask them what they like to do for fun or their hobbies.
- Do you have any pets?
- Which sports do you find enjoyable? What team(s)?
- What’s your favourite restaurant? Why?
- What music do you listen to? What’s your favourite song right now?
- What kind of movies do you like? Have you seen any recent ones that were good/bad?
- What do you love about living in [city name]?
A good tip is to share your passions or interests that may not be so obvious at first glance.
Share a funny story about yourself but don’t overdo it or it will seem forced. Start with your most interesting self-story. The best self-stories involve humour because they’re memorable, but don’t just tell jokes—find a way to make the story relevant to the conversation.
Make sure your date gets a chance to share. If one person dominates the conversation, it will quickly turn bori
3) Go into detail about one thing.
Feel free to get into the details of one thing. It might be a book, a movie or show you like, an album you’re listening to right now—anything that has meaning for you.
Also, don’t be afraid to be self-deprecating (in a friendly way). We all have flaws and things we’re ashamed of, but they are what make us unique.
4) Ask a Question
Ask a question that is relevant to the conversation. Ask an open-ended question. An open-ended question allows for more than one answer and requires more than a yes or no response. These questions are great because they encourage your date to think about their answers rather than simply giving them out on command like you’re asking them something in school (which you probably were).
Avoid personal questions too early in the relationship (if ever). This point applies mainly if this person is new in town—but even if they’re not, there’s no need for details about their love life or past relationships unless things are serious between you! You don’t want things moving too fast, either. Let things progress naturally rather than forcing something that might never happen otherwise by getting too personal right off the bat (and then having regrets later.)
Ask follow-up questions based on their answers.
After you’ve asked a question, they’ll give you an answer. You have some options here. For example, if someone tells you about their favourite book, ask them about it: “Oh yeah? What was your favourite part?” or “What other books have been similar?”
Don’t ask too many personal questions. While exceptions exist to this rule (like when you’re getting drinks), it’s generally considered polite not to bombard someone with an endless stream of personal queries on a first date. If your date offers some information about themselves (like telling you about their job), feel free to reciprocate by giving them something back—but only after asking if it’s okay for you two to share more details about each other.
Keep asking questions until both sides are done sharing stories or information. Also, listen for cues that your date needs time alone—they might be tired of talking about themselves!
5) Don’t be afraid of silence.
When you’re on a first date, the conversation will inevitably dry up. There are no magic words to ensure this never happens and no way to ensure that there will always be something interesting to say. You can’t force a conversation this way—and if you try too hard, things will get stilted and awkward for both of you.
It’s okay if your date doesn’t want to talk about their job or what they watched on TV last night; if they don’t have any hobbies or passions (or worse yet, if they do); if they live at home with their parents and don’t know anything about independence. It’s also okay if they aren’t funny or charming (although, hopefully, they are). These things are not dealbreakers; most people have them, and it doesn’t mean anything wrong about them as people in general.
Sometimes it’s better to let the other person speak than to fill every moment with noise.
6) Learn to hold a conversation without it being forced or awkward!
Be yourself. Don’t try too hard to impress—that’s what makes people dislike each other! Just relax and enjoy being around this person who has been selected for you by fate.
Don’t force the conversation into any particular direction. If one topic isn’t working for either of you, wait until another opportunity presents itself! Sometimes talking about something new can be refreshing for both parties involved. For example: if someone always brings up work when they’re nervous (and I know from personal experience that this happens), consider making small talk about something else entirely instead, like sports or hobbies, so there’s no pressure on either party during the introduction phase.”
7) Managing nervousness
Remember that your date is as nervous and maybe just as uncomfortable. If they get anxious or make awkward jokes, don’t let it throw you off your game—they’re trying to ease the tension. Try not to be overly analytical of everything they say.
Don’t worry about impressing them with all the knowledge at your disposal; this isn’t a job interview! And if you’ve got nothing interesting going on in life right now, there’s no need for pretence—just say so!
8) Eye Contact
Make sure to use eye contact when talking. People who use eye contact are seen as more confident and trustworthy than those who don’t, so it’s worth putting in the effort here.
9) Avoid a negative attitude
It’s easy to start a conversation with, “I hate my job,” or “I’m so over this guy.” But these types of statements will just make you sound like you’re in a bad mood and not someone fun or exciting to be around. This is not an impression you want to give off on a first date, so try your best to avoid talking about things that make you sound negative or unhappy.
Conclusion
All in all, the best way to go about having a good first date is to relax and try to have fun. Try not to make focus on boring, superficial topics. More than anything else, try to make it fun by sharing your personality and experiences with the other person. When you take that approach, rather than trying to impress or show off your knowledge, you’ll enjoy the date more and have more opportunities to see if there’s any chemistry between you.
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